Motherhood: “am I doing something wrong?”
This I wondered every day.
I wondered about this not only every day, but several times a day.
I wondered about this not only every hour of every day, but several times an hour.
I was pregnant (not the most stable phase of my existence either psychologically or emotionally) and raising two toddlers who were 18 months apart. I was home full-time and my husband worked long hours. I hated cooking (still do) and my propensity for being a clean freak was not a conviction shared by my two miniature companions.
Frequently, I would remind myself of my fortunate situation. “I am healthy. I have healthy babies. I am married to my best friend…. etc.,” but the thought still nagged at me.
Is being a mom supposed to be this hard? What am I doing wrong?
Being a parent in the early years can feel like a case study in constant over-stimulation (if you happen to have busy toddlers like me… For crying out loud, my children have zero interest in watching television).
Motherhood is hard, because the weight of my role is so impactful.
Motherhood is hard, because pieces of my heart are literally walking around in bodies separate from mine, and I can’t be everywhere at once.
Motherhood is hard, because I must not grow weary of doing good.
Motherhood is hard, because no one will love and care for these baby humans the way I do…. and care deeply I do.
Motherhood is hard because I care.
If you don’t care, then motherhood isn’t hard.
Mommas, you care. Therefore, it’s hard.
Different seasons are especially trying. But the intensity of the difficulty will wax and wane. Being a parent for five years hardly makes me an expert, but even that short amount of time has allowed me space to find my motherhood rhythm. The more you love, the more you grow.
But it is STILL challenging and will continue to be so….
Because I care.
And anything worth doing has a cost.
I can’t imagine anything more meaningful and worthwhile than to give my life away to love another.
So… is motherhood this stretching, trying, and arduous for other mothers? Yes. It’s beautiful and hard.
*Photo by: Tori Vandament